Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
