She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
