You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
