Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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