i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
