Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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