too bad you live with your parents still
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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