omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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