I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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