is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I checked into jail on foursquare
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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