If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
