Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
