My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
