I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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