Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk is not a location!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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