I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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