I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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