did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
