big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
