its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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