Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
