This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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