Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
