apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
