i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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