its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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