oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
