he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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