I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
