Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize