He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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