It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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