Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
