I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
