i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
