I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while