he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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