Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
