a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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