Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he thought i was a dude.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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