I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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