I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
