You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
