I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize