stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
