your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
