I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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