I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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