yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
