My balls are so social today.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
