Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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