Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
