to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
