True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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