I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
