picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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