help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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