Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
